Life Is One Big Curve Ball

This quote has helped me through some very tough times in my life. We start out in our younger years with so many goals and ambitions. We plan and plan and plan some more, but somehow life throws us a curve ball and turns our life upside down when we least expect it. 


So where do we begin when life knocks us down? It's so easy to feel defeated and want to give up. To blame someone else, or ask the question "Why did this happen to me?" The truth is life is about change and no matter what, we can't escape life happening to us, and even if we could do we really want life to always stay stagnant? If life always stayed the same, we not only would be very bored, but we would take things for granted. In a weird and sometimes twisted way...we need the bad to appreciate the good.


A recent study showed that people who were optimistic versus pessimistic had a 50% less risk of having a heart attack or stroke compared to those who are less satisfied with their lives and had a negative outlook. Optimism actually can protect us from cardiovascular disease. So maybe the key to not only happiness in our life is being positive, but it actually makes us healthier and live longer.


Going through a divorce a couple years ago was definitely a curve ball I never saw coming in my life. I planned and tried to live my life with common sense and practicality. I knew my ex husband for almost 7 years before we married, and even after marriage waited a few years before having a child. Wanted to make sure even though the love was strong, that we were compatible in marriage. As hard as we tried, we just couldn't make it work in the end and divorced after 8 years of marriage. I can finally say that after 3 years, I'm finally feeling like I'm getting my life back in order and moving on. Even though I went through many pity parties and many "why me" scenarios in my head...in the end it really was the optimism that got me through the past few years. 


Happiness is a choice. Not an easy choice by any means, but still a choice. When we wake up in the morning ultimately we have the choice to make our day a wonderful experience or a dull, stressful or a regretful experience. You ultimately have to decide..."Do I want to exist or do I want to live". I for one choose to live and I hope you choose to live rather than just exist.

5 Ways To Tell "He's Just Not That Into You"

These are some tips to key into what is going on in men's minds either before, during or after a first date. This is to hopefully answer those annoying questions that go through your mind when your waiting and wondering if he's ever going to call you or more importantly...if "He's just not that into you".


1) During the date, he keeps the conversation to small talk. He doesn't want to open up about his family or friends. Examples...if most of the conversation revolves around the weather or current events, is he getting to really know you?


2) Does he ask questions about you? Instead of the small talk, does he ask about your family, friends, work etc. If so...this shows that he's using this time to learn everything he can about you you. This also is a good way to examine his communication skills. Does he listen to your answers and keep the conversation going or does the "glazed, I wish I was fishing" look come over his face? If so...keep your answers short and move onto another topic because chances are he only heard "blah blah, blah blah blah"


3) Eye contact. Now this isn't always an indicator. It completely depends on the type of personality of the person. If he is very social and and outgoing type of personality then yes, eye contact is crucial. However if their personality is more shy and reserved then don't worry about eye contact on the first meeting. They may just be very nervous and it will take some time for them to open up and let their guard down.


4) After the first date if he doesn't call or at least make some sort of contact within 48 hours, it's time to move on. So many women fall into the "What if trap" as I like to call it. "Maybe he forgot my number? Maybe he's busy with work?" I've even heard the excuse "Maybe he lost his phone?" In this day of modern technology, there is no excuse as to why they can't contact you in some way; call, text, email, even social media. Ask yourself...do you really want to be with someone who doesn't have the common courtesy to take 5 minutes to thank you for going out with them, and that they would like to see you again? After all...think what our ancestors went through as far as courting goes. There were no phones or computers. Men would travel all day, rain or shine, to get to the lady they wanted to court. Is a 5 minute text really too much to ask for?


5) Don't be afraid to trust your instinct, it's within us for a reason. Yes this is not always fail proof, but if you truly listen to yourself it will lead you in the right direction. Your heart will tell you if he is being genuine.


~Remember...don't be afraid to ask yourself the tough questions. For instance, if he sounds too perfect chances are he might be feeding you a line. If he sounds too successful, too rich, too smart, chances are it just might be too fake. We all know that no one is perfect. We all have our strengths and weakness's. If he isn't willing to show you some of his shortcomings, then maybe it is all for show. When dating...try to keep in mind that we aren't looking for "Mr. Perfect", we are looking for "Mr. Perfect for me".  

Dating Website Do's and Dont's

Since becoming single over 2 years ago...I've spent quite a bit of time on dating websites. Some people find success and even marriage, and some are completely turned off and give up quickly. Here are some helpful hints I've learned that will hopefully lead you to a successful experience and not a headache...

DO'S

~Be positive. Be hopeful but still realistic. Don't necessarily look for Mr/Mrs Perfect. Some people are not great at writing profiles or even messages. Look for qualities instead of perfection.

~When writing your profile be honest, but not necessarily laying it all out on the table in the first 5 minutes or 3 paragraphs. Mystery is exciting and alluring and so is a sense of humor, so avoid taking yourself too seriously. After all it should be a fun experience and not a painful job interview.

~For the gentlemen...if your looking for a real relationship, concider avoiding the shirtless, ab flexing, mirror shot. We all know you are proud of your six pack, but unless your looking for a hookup most women prefer a nice close-up of your face to see your eyes or smile.

~For the ladies...in that same respect avoid the low cut cleavage shot, bikini or even underwear pictures. Yes we've all seen them, but all your going to attract is every horn dog in town and his hormones.

DONT'S

~Don't be too quick to judge. Even if their profile isn't quite what you were hoping for, take a chance and start a conversation. Sometimes people can surprise you, so don't be afraid to take a chance.

~We've all heard the phrase "Don't judge a book by it's cover". Well this also goes for for someone's picture posted. You can look at someone's picture and think they are good looking or not, but real attraction and chemistry can only be found out in person.

~Don't be too quick to give out your phone number or even email. Take the time to communicate on the sight...after all that's what it's there for. It should be a safe place to chat and find out if you have common interests and goals. Unfortunately there are some "not so nice" people out there that may become slightly obnoxious if you become no longer interested. On the website, you have the delete button and even a block button, that you may wish you had on your phone!

~NEVER give out your home address. It's even a good idea to meet in a neutral location for the first meeting. With that said, if you get to know someone over time and multiple conversations, ladies you may feel safe to let the gentleman  pick you up...after all chivalry isn't completely dead...I hope!

Now of course these tips are for anyone who goes to these dating websites with the intent, hope, or looking for a relationship. If you are in fact looking for just a hookup or nothing serious, you may want to disregard some of these tips. However never skip the honesty part. There is nothing wrong with looking for something fun or maybe not ready for a relationship...especially if your just coming out of a committed relationship. Just make sure to be honest and upfront about your intentions. After all you are looking to find someone with your common interests and hopefully a connection, without leading anyone on or disappointment. Good luck and have fun in the virtual world of love.

Perspective...

10 Ways To Make You a Better You

1. Take time for yourself. Never feel guilty or selfish for taking that 10 minutes or even better and hour, to do something you enjoy. Read a good book, take a relaxing bath or do that pedicure you have been putting off for too long. Give yourself the time you need to connect with yourself each and every day.


2. Never feel guilty over the little things you didn't get done in the day. Always remember tomorrow is a fresh day and you are only one person.


3. Praise yourself for the things you accomplished today. Even if it's simple things like going to the grocery store, taking the dog for a walk, etc. As children we live for the moments that our parents or teachers tell us "good job" or "way to go". Sometimes we don't have our own cheering section as an adult so we need to be our own cheerleaders.


4. Show your love. If you give love you will receive love in return. Tell those people in your life how much you love and appreciate them. Not only will it lift your spirits, but it might just be what they needed to lift theirs as well.


5. Don't be afraid to say "NO". Stress and spreading yourself too thin are the fastest way to bring yourself down. It's great to be there for those who need you, but don't run yourself ragged in exchange. If you have a lot on that to do list, be sure to pace yourself and prioritize. 


6. Own your emotions. Don't be afraid to cry when you need to cry. Get it out and move on with hopefully the knowledge of why you feel the way that you do. There is a reason your body has emotions, and even the ways to release those emotions and heal.


7. Don't compare yourself to others. Sometimes it gets overwhelming "Keeping up with the Jones'". Social media these days can also hinder this and make it harder at times. As nice as it can be to see friends and family members on Facebook with their postings of trips, new fishing boats, or a new house...these things can sometimes make you feel jealous or inadequate. Enjoy your life and focus on what you do have have instead of what you don't.


8. Be present. Focus on your life. It's important to have dreams and goals, but don't get so lost in the things you want to achieve in the future that you don't enjoy today!


9. Surround yourself with people who bring the best out in yourself. We all have those friends, co-workers or family members who love to complain about their lives and focus on the drama and negativity. Try to keep those individuals at bay. Their energy can wear off on you and become very draining. They are known as "Energy Vampires". 


10. LAUGH!! If your having a hard day, try turning the television to a comedy program versus the dramatic tear jerkers. The endorphins released from laughing are healthy mentally, physically and emotionally.


*Embrace YOU!! Enjoy your uniqueness, quirks and even flaws if you want to call them that. No one in this world is perfect and you can't please everyone. Never be afraid to be you*

The Game Changer

Is the old saying "He doesn't want it until he can't have it" really ring true? Give the man a little competition and the whole game changes. Why do we always have to play games in a relationship? Do we ever really outgrow games as a a child or does the game just change as we get older?

I was taught from an early age that if you ever really want to keep a man interested...never let them know how interested you really are! I thought at that young age, that's crazy! When I fall in love someday, I will shower him with my love all day everyday...just like in the fairytale! Well as sad as it say, if you ever want a man to run as fast as he can for the hills ladies, that's the fastest way to make them do it. It seems weird to think that being the "perfect" dotting girlfriend or wife can actually make a man find you unattractive but it's true. The simple truth is what a man really wants is THE HUNT! Even if he already "has" you...the last thing you ever want him to know is exactly that. The sad truth is that if the game or the chase ever stops...the game is in fact over!

That is why no matter how long you have been married, dating or in a relationship...the chase can never end. Call it primal instinct for the man to chase his prey or his mate, or that the boy inside of him really never grows up. Once a man feels like he has won, or has conquered the game, sadly the game becomes obsolete or at the least uninteresting and boring. My advise is no matter what you do in life, whether it's relationships, career or anything you do...NEVER BECOME UNINTERESTING! Always find a way to keep a man on his toes and even wondering what you are doing. By all means be honest and truthful in your relationship, but being honest doesn't mean being an open book! 

In fact use a book as a great example...if you already know the ending to a book are you likely to keep reading it anyways? Most likely not! There always needs to be a level of intrigue or mystery in life and especially in relationships! That's what keeps you yearning for more and striving for the best in life. Well the same goes in our relationships. We have to have mystery and curiosity with the people we surround ourselves with. After all...nothing in life worth having comes easy, and if it is too easy or accessible we really don't want it anyways!

Do All Men Live In A Tent?

If you have spent much time on any dating websites, then you will know what I mean when I ask the question..."Do all men live in a tent anymore?" Is it just me or does it seem like all men live outdoors? It seems that I can't find any man who's interests or hobbies don't read "love to spend as much time outdoors" or "loves camping, fishing, and hunting". Followed by 20 pictures of them next to a dead deer proud as could be...holding their prized fish, or drinking their 10th beer on a canoe. 


Now don't get me wrong, I like to get away from civilization once or twice a year...to get "in tune" with nature, but I don't not want to spend every weekend in the middle of nowhere looking for a bush with my name on it! Is it too much to ask to find a man who likes a nice dinner, a play or maybe a concert? My idea of a hot date just isn't spending the weekend in a hot sweaty tent, covered in bug repellent, hoping that I put on enough deodorant so that a bear doesn't smell me 5 miles away!


Now I know this doesn't apply to all women...I realize there are many of you out there who love roughing it and God bless ya, but for the most part...ask a woman if she would rather spend the weekend in a fifth wheel or a five star hotel and I guarantee you 9 out of 10 women will chose the room service over the campfire smell embedded into their pores for 48 hours. We will take the manicures over splinters, and the soft memory foam bed over that beat up old foam roll out mat and flannel sleeping bag! After all...nothing says romance like trying to put on sexy lingerie in a port-a-potty!